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Cheap Seats 2020

This and That - 01/22


By Rich Trzupek
  In case you missed it:
  - Actress Gwenyth Paltrow is marketing a scented candle that purports to give off the scent of – um – er (cough, cough) – there’s really no good way to say this, so I guess I’ll just say it: Gwenyth Paltrow’s new candle is supposedly scented like Gwenyth Paltrow’s lady parts.
  I am not making this up.
  According the interwebs, the new candle, which is officially named the “Smells Like My (insert word that rhymes with “regina” here) Candle” (still not making this up) started out as a joke, but then morphed into what passes for reality in Hollywood.
  Couple of thoughts here:
  The first run of the candle quickly sold out. Can we speculate which gender the majority of buyers were? Because I don’t think the answer is “female.” Just sayin’.
  If somebody files a truth in advertising case against Paltrow, how exactly does that case get decided? I mean, there’s only one way I know of to prove that one thing smells like another: smell both things. Really, REALLY don’t want to be on that jury.
  - Down the road in Tinsel Town, actor Alec Baldwin grudgingly admitted that the Trump economy is rolling along, but that the price we’ve paid is loss of America’s moral compass. The irony of having a wealthy movie star lecture the nation about morality was apparently lost on the gentleman.
  Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau placed the blame for the 176 lives lost when Iran shot down a passenger jet squarely where it should lie: on a repressive, theocratic regime that spreads death, terrorism and intolerance throughout the world.
  Just kidding.
  Trudeau declared this too was Trump’s fault. How’s that? Did the orange one secretly run over to Iran and hit the launch button? No, it seems the Prez is “raising tensions” in the region. In that tense environment, you can hardly expect Iranians NOT to shoot down passenger jets at random. Duh.
  Notice how the left always accuses Americans of “raising tension” when we stand up to the bad guys. We’re the problem! Not the nation that sponsors Hezbollah. Not the imams who rule with an iron fist, denying women basic rights and flinging homosexuals off of roof tops. Not the lunatics calling for the destruction of the state of Israel. Nope, it’s us.
  Right.
  - Rep. Rashida Talib, out on the campaign trail for Bernie, promised: “We are going to create such an incredible new America that is about all of us.” Who “us” includes was not specified, but one strongly suspects that Americans who attend synagogue won’t be invited.
   And finally, this is what happens when government officially encourages people to abandon reality and choose their own “gender identity.” From wzzm.com:
  “A convicted sex offender who says he identifies as an 8-year-old girl will spend at least a decade in prison for dozens of images of child pornography found on his home computer.
  Joseph Gobrick, 45, claims the images were computer-animated and protected under the First Amendment.
  “I’ve always been an 8-year-old girl,’’ Gobrick said at sentencing. “And even my drawings and fantasies, I am always an 8-year-old girl.’’
  But police said eight child victims were identified in the pornography recovered from Gobrick’s computer.”
  Welcome to America 2020.
  Email: richtrzupek@gmail.com

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