Cheap Seats 2022 By Rich Trzupek

Let Them Eat Cake - 06/01

By Rich Trzupek
  Two seemingly disparate but strangely related stories caught my eye recently. One humorous, if not in intent then in effect, out of France. The other horrific, out of Texas. Let’s start this literary meal with the lighter fare.
  Over at the Louvre in Paris a 36 year old man who had disguised himself as a crippled old woman rolled into the famous museum in a wheel chair. His wanderings eventually led him to view what is arguably the most famous painting on planet earth: Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa.
  Mona has had some hard times over the years, having been kidnapped, scalded by acid and, most recently, having a would-be Russian emigree fling a coffee cup at her lovely face.
  The old girl deserves better, what with being over 500 years old. So the French did what they could to protect her, establishing a security zone with ropes and covering her visage with shatterproof glass. Neither of these measures were enough to stop our intrepid 36 year old (designated at birth male, but apparently transitioning to an aged female), from carrying out his/her/their plan.
  He rolled as close as he dared to his target and leapt out of his chair and revealed himself to be not la grand-mère ancien (that’s “ancient grandmother” for those of you who don’t speak French or don’t know how to use Google Translate) but rather le planete sauveur incroyable (the incredible savior of the planet.) I like to imagine that when he revealed himself he shouted “Ha Ha!” in a manner that would do Charles Boyer proud.
  And then he revealed the weapon he would use to attack the grand dame of the Lovvre. The crowd surely looked on in horror as he reached for his chosen tool of vengeance. What could it be? An axe he would fling at her face? More acid, perhaps of the type that eats through glass? Nay, it was nothing so dreadful. The weapon he chose was: cake.
  Cake.
  My Polish ancestors still get mocked for sending the calvary out to do battle with German Panzers in World War II. I’ll accept that criticism, but will also offer that charging a tank on horseback with lance in hand is a hell of a lot more respectable than attacking a masterpiece with baked goods. What’s next, throwing crullers at Michaelangelo’s David?
  What was the impetus for this act of craven culinary malice? The answer, in the gentleman’s own words:  
  “Think of the Earth. There are people who are destroying the Earth. Think about it. Artists tell you: think of the Earth. That's why I did this.”
  Poor, dying planet earth. Of course. Why else would at attention-seeking schmuck attack a treasured work of art with a weapon that could be – and was – rendered impotent by a wash-cloth. It would have been poetic justice had some heretofore unknown fault line in France opened up just enough to swallow the self-righteous idiot after which mama earth would let out an ear-splitting belch.
  And speaking of self-righteous jerks brings us to the less pleasant part of our tale. All good and decent people were horrified by the shootings that took place in Uvalde, Texas. Few took personal advantage of the tragedy with the effrontery of Beto O’Rourke.
  This is the United States, not the United Kingdom, and no law that we have passed or can pass is going to take guns out of the hands of private citizens, the vast, vast majority of whom handle firearms safely and responsibly. That is not going to change, no matter how many pious declarations a shameless self-promoter like O’Rourke chooses to make.
  The problem is not the fact that triggers exist. Or at least it’s an utter waste of time to pretend that we can make triggers disappear. The problem is the people pulling the triggers. That problem can be solved. That is, unfortunately, the problem that the left has no interest in talking about.
  We should mourn the dead in Uvalde. Of course we should. Just as we should mourn the dead who are shot almost nightly as gang violence rages within the hearts of inner cities across the nation. The Uvalde body count pales in comparison to the hundreds who die every year as a result of gang violence. But, when somebody comes up with a way to actually get guns out of the hands of gang members – guns that they usually possess illegally – some liberal screams the magic word “Racist!” and we’re back to square one.
  Violence is the problem. Gun violence is merely a subset. Violence and lawlessness continues to grow, most especially in big cites run by Democrats and liberals. Law and order are co-dependent, even if liberals continue to pretend they can have the latter without the former.
  Trying to solve one part of the violence problem while ignoring the rest is pointless. Saying, in effect, that laws against burglary, destruction of private property, assault, arson, etc. can be selectively enforced and that those doing the enforcing need not be respected is worse than pointless. It’s destructive.
  And so I say this to the Beto O’Rourke’s of the world: screaming about new laws we should have while ignoring laws we do have will have about as much impact on violence in America as throwing a cake at it.
  richtrzupek@gmail.com